Fifty Reasons

A long time ago, I met a friend of mine 
And saw the smile had gone from her eyes. 
She said things were great when I asked why, 
But her happy words were blatant lies. 
So I pressed the matter and we sat to talk, 
And words and tears began to flow. 
I’m dead inside, filled with despair, 
But why I feel this way I don’t know. 

Do I blame the world, she asked, or is it me? 
I replied, the answer is clear to see: 
In what you just said, at the least there must be 
Fifty reasons to leave your lover. 

He makes you feel dumb, has made you go numb, 
And has trampled all over your dreams. 
He calls his smacks ‘love taps’, his insults ‘a joke’, 
And scares you so much you can’t scream. 
So why do you stay with your lover? 
You really must leave your lover. 

You give me fifty reasons to leave, she said, 
But I have fifty reasons to stay. 
He’s under a lot of stress these days; 
He won’t always be this way. 
His health is poor, he’s quitting cigarettes, 
And things are really bad at work. 
But I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me. 
He isn’t some thoughtless jerk. 

It is what sits behind your words that I see, 
And as your friend I must speak truthfully: 
This isn’t the way love is meant to be. 
You have got to leave your lover. 

You live by his moods, suffer while he broods, 
And buy his happiness whenever you’re able. 
You walk on eggshells so you don’t upset him 
And live on crumbs thrown from his table. 
So what good reason is there to stay with your lover? 
You really must leave your lover. 

It isn’t that bad, she shouted in defence. 
It is not like he smacks me around. 
That doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem, I said, 
It’s not just in fists that abuse is found. 
But maybe it’s not him at all, she said, 
It is my fault for being so weak. 
I push him into behaving that way. 
It’s me that makes things so bleak. 

I don’t know what else to say, I replied, 
Every truth I point out is being denied, 
Though evidenced by the tears that you cried. 
You know you need to leave your lover. 

You have given him ten years, and all that you have, 
And in return you’ve been given a dead heart. 
Please leave, before he kills the rest of you; 
The two of you really must part. 
But she walked away, with nothing more to say 
On whether she would leave her lover. 

I never saw her again from that day, 
And I can’t be sure why it came to an end. 
But faced with the truth and a choice, I suspect, 
Instead of her man, she left her friend. 
So, while I still believe she had good reason to go, 
My words are going to haunt me forever. 
In trying to save her I drove her away, 
Straight back into the (h)arms of her lover. 
Yes, I wanted to help but drove her away, 
With fifty more reasons to stay with her lover. 

The story behind the poem

This is one from the archives. It came to me after hearing Paul Simon’s ‘50 Ways to Leave Your Lover’ on the radio at a time when I was involved in some work on domestic violence. It isn’t set to the tune of his song but there is something lyrical about it. However, I’m not a musician and I don’t think I’ve got the beats/rhythm completely right, so I’m sticking to calling this a poem rather than a song.