Alarm Bells

You were my first love 
The first kiss, the first touch 
Wanted so long to be with the one 
To get for real what I dreamt of so much 

Perhaps it was this that caused me to ignore 
The alarm that went off in my heart 
I had the optimism of the inexperienced 
So in ignorant bliss I pressed start 

Anger consumes me when I think back 
Some at you but more at me 
You were what you were and I knew it 
It’s my fault I chose not to see 

But I have to ask, what were you thinking? 
Were you even thinking at all? 
Did you not at least get the tiniest pang of guilt 
When you treated me as worthless and small? 

When you shouted at me in anger 
For something I’d supposedly done wrong? 
When you slipped into one of your terrible moods 
So suffocating, so long? 

Did you not just once step outside yourself 
And see you through my eyes? 
See how you could go from one I loved 
To one whom I began to despise? 

If I had treated you as you treated me 
How would that have felt? 
Could you have stayed with me through it all 
If you’d received the shit you dealt? 

Would you have let me break promises to you 
And forgiven me again and again? 
Would you have lived with years of madness 
And managed to keep yourself sane? 

But the real madness was me not drawing the line 
Long before I got burned 
Still, I know now love isn’t all or enough 
Thank you for the lesson learned